What makes you happy?

Ever since I finished our broadcast with OpenFM on the 13th I have being recovering and also in a bit of a limbo. People have being asking me, 'so what are you up to now?' I was aware of how the question was kind of throwing me. I didn't know whether it was because I needed the break or because I was at a bit of a loss. Over the last two weeks I've being kind of pottering around. Caught up on some major reading and loved it. Then some OpenFM admin and accounting stuff. Loads of sleep ins. Loads of shite TV and back on Facebook like a rash.

I have being a little uneasy. Not quite sure what way is up. My heads has being doing quite a lot of reflection on the learning of the last 10 months and looking at who is Sam. What do you want to do? What makes you happy? The strange thing is, I have being kind of feeling nothing. This is kind of shocking for me and probably for a lot of people that know me. Probably to the delight of others to have less of my daily positive vibes on FB. When I asked myself the question and kind of heard that same question on others lips, the same things keeps coming up. For the first time in my life I'm beginning to truly realise my own potential. It kind of scares me. I realise that there are few obstacles big enough to stop me now. As a friend said recently, sometimes the wall may look impossibly tall, its only when you walk up to it you'll find out how narrow it is.

Suddenly, I have this new found faith. The power of belief is quite something. So, one of my closest and most loyal friends came up to Dublin today, to escape for a few hours and visit me at the same time. We both seemed to be in similar distant mood. I was really aware of how distant she was and when we sat for coffee she said it was weird although it felt like we had the Grand Canyon between us. As we headed over to drop her at the train station we got into this beautiful conversation about potential. Well, it was actually about me. I was so moved by the positive emails and comments I had received over the past couple of weeks. I was a little overwhelmed and surprised people thought that way about me. My friend was saying she didn't understand how I didn't realise these things about myself.

In a matter of 10 minutes the space she gave me by listening to my own fears totally transformed and awoke something inside me. It made me realise a frustration that has being holding me back. Me. It also made me realise what makes me happy?

The thought of me living to the full of my potential.

Thank You beautiful friends for being there just in the moments when I need you.

"Without any inner doubt, things will come about."

Last November, when I was contacted one day by an ex-student out of the blue and she said;'my friend has come up with this idea. Do you want to help start a gay radio station?' I can't quite remember what was going on in my mind although before I knew it, I heard myself respond, 'Yeah, sure why not!'. Now, people say hindesight is a great luxury. What a load of codswallop, is what I say. Of all the words that I have always felt was one of the most pointless, is the word 'regret'. I can see peoples argumentive sides kicking off with my statement. I regret nothing. Not one iota of my life. Every single thing that has happened, whether perceived as negative or positive is a step higher on the ladder. When, I live with regret, there is no movement. Only stagnance.

Do you think the old phrases, such as "No point crying over spilt milk" was created by fools. As bizarre as it may seem, we need those mistakes for us to learn and become better people. We need to fall, get hurt and brush ourselves off and become stronger people. If, I was to list here the amount of obstacles that have come in my way since I began on the OpenFM's journey you would find it hard to believe. If, I had seen that list printed infront of me - This Is A List of Obstacles That Will Happen With OpenFM - I probably would have walked away that very moment. So codswallop I say to hindsight being a great luxury. More like a great boot in the ass.

Now, over 2 weeks have passed since we stopped broadcasting. What do I see? Learning. And it doesn't stop. To this very day, OpenFM is still teaching me. About me and the world around me. Sometimes, we really need to open our eyes to see how magnificent the world is around is. How it wishes to surprise us with new experiences that allow us to feel alive inside. OpenFM has being one the most fascinating adventures and journeys, any man, woman or alien could hope for. Why? Because of people. People make those moments real. People that believe in something beyond the € value of what makes the world go around. People that have passion. People that share a vision for a better world. People that serve the needs infront of them.

What kept me strong and kept me going for those nine months. Was nothing to do with money. It was a shared dream of how we can make a difference. I remember 6 weeks before we were going to go on-air and thinking how could we find the money to allow OpenFM to exist. And just like so many things with OpenFM, fate opened a door. That's another blog entry, fate, for another day. I was given the contact details of a potential sponsor, Milk. I remember being quite nervous going to the meeting. The 1st sales meeting for OpenFM. I brought our then, Head of Marketing, to observe as I tried the sales pitch for the first time. I knew within mintues that myself and the Milk team saw eye-to-eye. We shared that same wonderful belief in the world. A sense of justice. Seeing the need and meeting it with action. After, making my sales pitch I asked for their honest feedback. They said I had done really well. We provisionally agreed on a relationship. I walked away feeling so proud that someone else had understood why OpenFM was so important and why it needed to exist. It does help to have others share your belief.

I have heard myself repeat this phrase many times through the OpenFM experience. 'It was pure stubbornness, persistence and belief that allowed OpenFM to be.' And, its true. We launched an FM station with 84 volunteers on the 13th of June 2010 with €0 in the bank. Now, don't get me wrong, if it wasn't for the sponsors, such as Milk and Lunatic Fringe and many others, we would not have survived. Nevertheless, it was belief from every single volunteer that allowed it to be. I always remember a phrase my stepmother said to me, "Without any inner doubt, things will come about."

So, in conclusion. Take the bull by the horns. If you have a dream, go for it. Be the change. Forget regrets. Live the moment. Every mistake is a learning experience. Problems are only obstacles that can be moved with ease.

Fate - an inevitable course of events

Faith - the confident belief or trust in the truth or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.

Five lessons about the way we treat people

My brother sent me these in an email and it said pass it on... for once I agree. They are all beautiful stories that everyone can get something from.

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely, " said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant.. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her name was Dorothy.


2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 P.M., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm.. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.

It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's' bedside just before he passed away... God Bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.


3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.


4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path..

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.