The experience of breaking 4 ribs...

As promised, I wanted to share, what I had learned from going through the experience of my accident 13 days ago. After falling just over 10 feet, although totally sideways, from scaffolding on to the pavement below, on Friday night of July 28th. Yes, alcohol was involved and it was irresponsible of me. Nevertheless, it happened.

The Fall

Hitting the ground I knew immediately I had screwed up badly. I'm probably a little bit rough with myself generally, so I'm used to bangs and scrapes quite a bit in my life. This was a little different. The pain was intense. I'm sure there were some extreme profanities as I rolled onto my side in agony. A girl immediately came to my aid and tried to calm me. Telling me not to move as I reeled in pain on the ground. She told me to breathe. Her voice was calm and soothing. I was scared. The pain was beyond intense. I noticed with her holding me gently and speaking to me that somehow I had begun some form of patterned breathing. Trying to reduce the pain. I saw other people stepping over me as they walked home from their night out. She asked did I want an ambulance. "Yes" was my immediate answer. This wasn't a case of standing up and shrugging it off, like so many times before. I noticed through the waves of pain, she seemed to be having difficulty with 999. There was a to and fro of communication, where she seemed to be trying to convince them of the seriousness of the situation. Her stress levels were increasing. She was getting bothered with them. I noticed my body had begun to feel super cold. Now, to add to the pain, the lower half shaking vigorously. I was able to feel the ice cold touch of the pavement beneath me. Whilst, this angel continued to sell the scenario to the other people on the end of the phone, a head peered down from above into my frame of view. "Do you want some drink, man?",  a strangers face proclaimed. Bizarrily, through this madness, I saw the humour in it. A can appeared, towards my face. I responded, "No, thank you." She noticed this and told the guy everything was okay. As he walked away, she looked down at me. Her face stressed with worry, as I called out in pain. "I don't think they believe me." I realised it wasn't an Irish accent I was hearing. "Very strange Emergency services. I thought I'd called the wrong number". Within, a moment I noticed the blue flashing light in my periphery vision. Her hands again back touching me, soothing me. Within seconds the ambulance crew were around me. Speaking to her about what had happened. Joking about the scaffolding climbing. They leaned down and spoke to me. Asking where was the pain. Talking to me directly the whole time. Explaining exactly what they were going to do. They mentioned something, I had put to the back of my mind. They wanted to brace me to ensure there was no damage to the spine. I had already been conscious of this, as I noticed lying there, feeling cold, how I had been moving my toes. Within minutes they had blocks on either side of my head and a board slid under my back. The pain was so intense I don't remember clearly how they did this with such ease. I do remember, as they asked did she want to ride in the ambulance, and she explained she had come across me walking home, how I might never see her again to thank her. She had made me feel so good by being there. It's people like that, that deserve the biggest thanks. So, through some form of universal energy. I send out the biggest thanks and best wishes to that amazing lady for being so incredible on that night. As the guys placed me on to the trolley and into the ambulance, I was able to feel every jolt through my body. They explained that the journey will probably be quite sore. Although only a couple of mins.

Like some form of surreal experience, we have all watched on our TV screens, my vision was now of the hospital ceiling lights racing past. Doors being swung open. New sounds around me. A new crew of people to greet me. The handover. I remember so clearly the voices that night. The lovely sound of the ambulance crew. That same calm soothing sound. With a hint of humour. They were explaining the scenario to the A & E Crew. "Sure we've all done it. A couple of drinks and we think we're Superman." Referring to forgetting my keys and climbing the scaffolding. New kind and caring faces appeared into my vision. Asking me about the pain. I think the ambulance driver asked jovially, "What's the pain level, Sam, with the few drinks on you?" I responded, "Nine". The next 30 mins there was a lot of activity. Drips being inserted into my arms. The moving me from the board onto the bed. The waves of pain were overwhelming. Now, with the ambulance drivers gone, new faces, asking me, "Do you mind if we cut your jacket off?" The reminder that, oh yeah, have I really screwed up this time? Is there a chance I may not walk again. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. "Do whatever you need to do." I responded. Hearing the scissors cutting through the jacket. Finally removing enough of it as they placed monitors on my body. Then, it all began to get quieter. And darker. And the pain started to go away. I slipped into a welcome sleep.

A couple hours I awoke. Still those soothing, calming, caring voices around me. Asking me questions. The guys from X-ray were busy upstairs so it will be a couple of hours before I was to be seen. I was obviously on some pretty strong painkillers, as the pain was very bearable. Still sore although no comparison. The doctor assigned to me was more matter of fact although still lovely. She told me the pain was going to be really bad, although ribs heal by themselves. There is nothing more they can do, than give me pain killers and send me home. Shortly afterwards, I was rolled into be x-rayed by the radiographers. More lovely people. Gentle caring voices. This was the bit I was really waiting for. They X-rayed my spine, my neck, my chest, my pelvis from different angels. I asked, "Is everything okay?" She responded, "3 broken ribs, everything else is okay". That felt good to hear, I can tell you. After being rolled back into the bay and A & E, I was told I was going to be given some Morphine and then allowed to go home about 8 am, an hour or so later. Seemed rather fast! Asking for my phone, it was time to call out for some help. Didn't think a taxi was a good idea and those stairs! Was told by my doc that there was a chance my lung can get damaged, so I needed to return on Monday for an X-ray. Were there to be any problems breathing, to come back in straight away. After some toast and tea, I was placed in a wheelchair and sat waiting for my friends Declan and Maio to collect me at the A & E doors. Morphine was nice. Still very sore.

Hometime - Day 1 Recovery

Climbing the stairs to the apartment was really really tough. First, ten steps were torture. And very slow. Using the patterned breathing really helps. Finally achieved them after around 5 to 10 mins. Was nearly ready to pass out. Sitting in the kitchen chair was an insane pain. Every movement of that nature was causing spikes of Level 10 pain. Really quite something else. After the guys went off to get my prescription filled and to pick me up some food, I remember many times nearly passing out.
Obviously a mix of pain and the drug and probably tiredness. The next 24 hours were tough. After taking meds, the pain was reduced quite considerably. Unfortunately, any form of movement initially is atrocious. Sitting, standing, using your arms to pick up stuff. Going for a piss. You forget how often we use our arms. It's just insane how many things become impossible to do. You learn to adapt quickly. Suddenly, those toes that we forget about become very useful. I also started using a stick. The handle for a mop. For the first week, when the break is severe,  you need someone around you to help you with things. Thankfully, I had a number of friends, who came to my aid.

My friend Phelim did the first evening shift. Once, I was sitting on the couch, the pain was mild-moderate. We spent a bit of time working out a better way to support my seating position. My recommendation is to find a good solid although softish chair. Big soft couches are a no. Especially when they are low down. Disaster. Even with Phelims ingenious construction of books and boxes to make the seating more solid. Make sure you eat. Make sure you find a way of sleeping. Get the pain down to a minimum as fast as possible. Loads of water. Keep hydrated. Do as little as possible. Some walking is probably okay, although just a little.

Day 2 Recovery

My friend Phelim called over with breakfast. Got around 3 hours sleep, sitting up. Very uncomfortable. Then the spasms began. Now, let me explain what I mean my spasms. I began to notice a large twisted muscle feeling had been building in my spine. Like the muscles trying to protect against further damage. This had increased and was at a pain level of 5/6 constantly. Suddenly, I get these electrics jolts where my whole body will shoot into a physical spasm. Really appalling. Pain Level 10 every single time. I was able to feel the ribs clicking against each other inside my body. Patterned breathing to reduce pain and to try and relax. These began early Sunday morning. We sat and played Scrabble in the kitchen straight back chair for a few hours. Spasms definitely reduced from 3/4 an hour to maybe 1 an hour, if not less. These things were just disgusting. It was like feeling the fall all over again, every single time. My mates Dec and Mario called in after Phelim went to watch a movie. Sitting back on the couch. Spasms reduced to maybe 2 every hour. The screams of pain, I'm sure is a lovely thing to hear when trying to watch a movie.

The night was terrible. The newly constructed seating on the couch was definitely more solid. The spasms threw me into a position where my body was arching fully. The pain was like nothing I have ever experienced. Slept for around 2 hours. At 6 am gave up trying to sleep. It was medicine time. Please God, let these things work. Stop this insanity of pain. A problem, I was not able to reach my pills, a foot in front of me. Every time I tried, the body will spasm. 2 hours later I finally got them. Using my toes and feet to manoeuvre the packet within reach. Then, I dropped my mobile. on the floor. I just let it be for a bit. Tried over the next 2 hours of torture, trying to reach to it. In between I'd give up and allow myself to sleep. The pills obviously kicked in as I finally slept.

Day 3 Recovery

Awoke an hour later. I needed to stand and get out of that bloody couch. Best feeling in the world getting up. It was sore, although nothing worse than like being a fish out of water squirming in agony. I showered. Heaven. It felt so good to wash away the smells and to feel the warmth of the water easing my body. I had brought a change of clothes in and placed at the foot of the toilet. Thankfully, the night before I noticed, due to their being a towel heater, I was able to sit on the toilet using it for support. This was my plan to get changed. It worked. I thought track suit bottoms might be the easiest. Also, a sleeveless shirt seemed the most obvious to put on. And a pair of sandals. Looking at myself in the mirror I felt proud of achieving the goal of getting changed. It's the simple things. I was being picked up by the amazing Dec and Mario to go back in for an X-ray in the Mater Hospital. Amazingly, the stairs were not too bad going down. Getting into the car was pretty rough. The doctor had told me to go straight back into A & E and the X-ray had been organised. It took a little bit of convincing and being pushy and finally I was sitting outside the X-ray. To be honest, I was feeling pretty dire. I felt tired. A bit out of breath and wishing the meds were a bit stronger. After getting the X-ray the girl said, "Yeah, it's a nasty break of 4 ribs alright." Ah, thought it was three. Sure 4 what's the difference. Was told to sit in a waiting room for someone. A lovely kind faced guy approached me after 10 mins asked me to follow him. "It appears you have pierced your lung", he said as we walked slowly back into the A & E bays.

To Be Continued - Day 3 to Day 6 - from Ketamine to Returning Home 

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How to Heal Broken Bones Fast

An inspiring leader to remember

Sometimes I forgot that there are great examples of leadership all around us. Today, whilst scrolling through my Fb feed I saw a video of Bernie Sanders. I watched and shared it, adding that he is the type of leader that is inspiring to me. It can be hard at times to see the silver linings in politics or governments. How often can we call a political leader an inspiration. Someone we can look up to or even a role model for the next generation. How relevant based on the results of #GE16 and fractured voting by people.

Whilst having my hair cut on Capel St, where I now reside, the barber asked me my address and he told that it was the home at one stage for Sean Lemass. As for the accuracy of this I can't substantiate. Anyway, it intrigued me enough to make me want to know a little more about this name, I know so well, although so little of.

On a trip to the GPO to pick up a stamp, I took a breakfast stop in the new Cocobo cafe next door and decided I will do my research. What can I say? Knowing the background behind this man is the reason I am now typing this blog post sitting here after that breakfast. What an inspiring leader Sean Lemass was. In learning about his history I have learnt also so much about our wonderful country and what it has being through for the past 100 years. He has thought me about the founding of the political party Fianna Fail. The long journey of Ireland out of depression and into the light. And so much is due to Sean Lemass and the people that surrounded him.

I have a new role model to learn from and take courage from. Perhaps even something I can use in my way of doing business. A lesson of resilience and persistence. A passionate man that lived a full life and proactively made a difference to the world he lived in. Taking his duty seriously to serve a bigger idea than himself. Thank you Sean for being an inspiration in the world. We need more like you.

Here is the article on Sean Lemass from Wikipedia that I read

Existing in limbo

Just got off the phone from another house rejection. This will be number 12 we have got turned down for so far. He was kind enough to tell us that we need to move faster as its a landlords market. We viewed Thursday evening and because we were waiting to hear back from another property we really wanted we waited until first thing this morning to decide. Bizarrily, in some cruel twist of events, we probably lost the last one because we pushed them to come back with an answer as we knew we might lose this one were we not to get back to them.

So, its now coming up on 10 weeks we have being looking for a new home. We were meant to have moved last Sunday. Between the two of us we have probably visited 1,000s of properties online. Contacted over 80. Got just over 20 viewings, put out name down for 12, got accepted for 1 and this one ended being a dud. The stress levels have gone so high that it's putting us both under some of the greatest pressure we have ever felt. We have both got insomnia waking continuously throughout the night with nightmares. All our house is packed into boxes sitting in two rooms in a house that we are lucky to be allowed to stay over in. Only because of the genuinely nice landlady we currently have, who is holding off on redecorating in lieu of the house going on the market. I am finding it more and more difficult to focus on work. The other half is beyond stressed and is not attending college or getting work done.

It's a very weird place to be. It's true when they say "home is where the heart is". As anyone that knows us both we make our homes so warm and welcoming. They are a place of calm and peace. Our home means everything to us. It's where you find solace and love and rest. Not having somewhere you call home is quite discerning. There is no comparison to our situation and the hundred/thousands homeless in Ireland today. Although it does give me a true glimpse of one part of it. A place called home. Not having one makes you feel detached from reality. It is distracting and draining. It's depressing and devastating to the soul.

Due to all of what has happened over the past months it made me realise there needed to be a change to what is going on in the market place. It can't be just us going through these trials and tribulations. Paranoid as to what we are doing wrong. Questioning whether our referees are saying something against us. I have even gone to the point of starting to build a new website called Homonise. A matchmaking service for home seekers and homeowners. Sadly, my energies are so distorted I haven't got very far with it.

I am sure many of you reading this are probably saying, sure there are loads of properties, just take anything. At least you can. You're right. We can probably go for one that we don't want to move into. It will have walls and beds and a roof over your head. More lucky than others. True. Although that's just elongating this journey through limbo. Were it not somewhere we can call home then its just a house we are living in. We will always feel like we are just existing and not being. For me your home is where you can return to after a hard day of work. Its were you recuperate so you can go back out and take on the world. It is meant to make you feel refreshed and create a sense of wellbeing.

Nevertheless, we have put our name down for 12 out of 20 or so and we are still sitting here, half in half out of this home. We will find our new home, I know that. We even both separately romanticised about the last dream home, being the setting for our wedding. It has being a humbling experience to make us realise to be grateful for what you have got. How fortunate that our problem is only temporary and not one like so many unfortunate others. My heart goes out to those who have no home at all.

It's our light not our darkness...

Standing at the funeral graveside of a friends mum today, it struck me at the amount of love flowing forward from those that stood deeply grieving the loss of someone that they loved unconditionally. Many times in my life I have heard people say how they'd like to see or experience their own funeral. Today it was so obvious that this person who has moved on has had an enormous effect upon those around her in her life. Her light shone so bright and touched many in such a deeply powerful way. I wonder did she realise this.

It baffles me how so many people, me included at times, spend so much of our lives finding fault with ourselves. We seem to be drawn to look at our own shadows out of some fear over what we might see were we to look into the light. It is easier for us to search around in the grunge and murkiness and use this as the fuel to our self image. Once we have our fill we then walk around attracting this same energy and then wonder why our lives are so challenging and difficult. We distract ourselves by playing the blame gain, rather than realising that we are the creation of our own reality.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented and fabulous?

For me personally, I refer to it as the Prairie dog syndrome. I consider myself fortunate to be quite a positive person day-to-day. Most days I bound out of bed at my life that awaits me. I am enriched by the colours, smells and wonderment of the moments. The smell of coffee. The glint in other peoples eyes throughout the day. The weeds growing from the top of chimney pots on the roofs as I walk to work. Life truly is a magical thing. My feeling of self. Nevertheless, weeks or months pass by and it is like I have being carried by a tornado to a distant time and dropped back down to now. So, the prairie dog pops his head back out and breathes in the utter joy of life again. Although why do I feel the need to forget this nourishing and tasty reality? This love of self and what that brings with it. Do I believe I don't deserve it. Or perhaps as Marianne Williamson puts it, "Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

Now, imagine for one moment a new reality. Powerful beyond all measure. By letting our own light shine freeing others from fear so that they can shine. Imagine a world with more light. Light that spreads and grows and takes people out of their prairie dog holes. One where you can see the good you deserve and attract all this good towards you. Being an inspiration in this sometimes cloudy world. When the New Year turned this was my promise to Sam. For Personal Mastery. To shine love on myself in mind, body and heart so I can be fit to shine as bright as possible. I feel it is my responsibility and one that I am more than willing to accept in this life I have.

We are bigger than greed!

One theme that surfaced after the last boom and crash was that as Irish people we had learnt from the experience. Greed had made us blind and going forward we knew that we lost some part of ourselves in the madness.

Bizarrely it appears the lesson wasn't learnt very well. With Rental Property prices back to 2006 rates and in some cases 20% higher with the new Weekly Rentals popping up all over the city. Unfortunately for us the house we are renting us up for sale so we are now looking for a new home to move into at one of the most insane markets we have ever seen. After living in Kimmage for 9 years in a rental and watching the madness ensue we had to leave our lovely home in early 2015. At the time of leaving our landlord was looking to increase the Rent to €1,350. At the time we thought this was a little high although now a year later I wish we had being able to stay. Houses in worse condition of exactly the same size and same distance to town are now looking for €1,800.

To add to the insult the standard of properties is shocking. We viewed a property late last week where the developer owned all 16 townhouses and a block of apartment. It looked like the property had not being updated since it was built new in the late 1980's. Meeting landlords they are telling you that you are lucky that they are painting the interior or putting new furniture in, as their are cues of people who will take anything. Each house we have visited there have being lists of people interested prior to us putting our name on the list. We are checking Daft and MyHome on an hourly basis trying to make sure we are the first to call.

So, what has happened. Well the biggest mistake of course is the Irish Government. As soon as rumour got out that there might be a freeze placed on landlords from increasing their rent prices started increasing. Suddenly we had an increase across the board in Dublin.  Then they came out with their lame excuse of a solution. Rental prices have being increasing continuously in November and December and now January has brought in a new hike again. You can see properties in Dublin where landlords are increasing their prices on listings due to the high volume of calls they are receiving.

Another obstacle appears to be the Letting Agencies. They are trying to get every property that is renting privately and this is causing another price increase as they stick their fee ontop of the rental price. Greed has taken hold and is spreading like wildfire. Another bubble is expanding and who is going to pay this time. So, what have we learnt?

I was heading back to our house last night and passed the new homeless shelter on Thomas St and there was a cue of around 30 people standing outside at 6.30pm in the evening. "Greed is the knife & the scar runs deep." The increase in homelessness in Ireland is all down to greed. We know in our hearts what we did last time was lunacy. Do we want to leave more scars for the generations to come? I believe we have it in us to become the change we wish to see in the world. What can we do to prevent us losing ourselves in this new frenzy that has taken the city by storm?

I send love to you Breda

I feel Breda is doing her best to fight something she believes in. Nevertheless I feel she lacks perspective on the real world we live in. As a child that grew up in a rather volatile family unit. With a mother and father that obviously we're not meant to be together, it gives you perspective on what we define as the correct environment for a child. When my parents broke up when I was 8 years of age, it felt like my world was being torn apart. Although not for the reason of losing my mum and dad unit. Far from it. The inbittered hatred and darkness continued for another 17 years later until the passing of my father when I was 25. In some ways a strain of that hurt and inability to forgive still resides within my mother.

This brings me great sadness. The same sadness I felt as a child. The lack of honest love and respect two humans can have for each other. I feel this learning, is the seed that grew inside me to make me realise the importance of communication, forgiveness and truth. The need everyone has to feel and give love. 

When I look at the world today I believe that the world we live in feels its pain because of a lack of love. The reason why people hurt each other is because they feel that hurt in them. A part of them is missing the love that is needed to heal those empty parts of themselves. This emptiness brings about great sadness in our world. It is our duty to recognise that this emptiness is our emptiness. It is our duty to take responsibility for looking at this emptiness and filling it with our own love, before taking it out on the world. 

So Breda, as much as I feel differently towards your campaign against preventing me from being treated more equally in my own society. I love you. I send you my love to help you understand that you need to look at your own emptiness and start filling it up. I had a lot of darkness inside me for many many years. And it hurt me greatly. It prevented me from being the best version of me. It stopped me from being a true light for this world and making it a better place. And of course there is still emptiness in me that needs to be filled and I will work on that. Gently applying love to make me more full. To making me more Sam. 

Let go of the fear Breda. There is no great agenda here to change our society in to a more hurtful or sad place. There is a society of people trying to bring about a world with more love for all. A world where we can learn to love ourselves and then love others. A place that is more safe for all the children. A place where we can be united as one. Together. 

EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG

In the service of God there are three things that one should learn from a child and seven things one should learn from a thief. From a child you can learn - (1.) Always to be happy, (2.) Never sit idle, and (3.) To cry for everything one wants. From a thief you can learn: (1.) To work at night (2.) If one cannot gain what one wants to try again the next night. (3.) To love one’s co-workers just as thieves love each other. (4.) Be willing to risk one’s life even for a little thing. (5.) Not to attach too much value to things even though one has risked one’s life for them. (6.) To withstand all kind of beatings and tortures but to remain what you are. (7.) To believe that your work is worthwhile and not willing to change it. (from full text - not on gate > (8.) Work quietly without bothering others. (9.) Plan without telling anyone.)

P.S. You can learn from something from everything. Even from a train, a telephone and a telegram. From a train you can learn that in a second one can miss everything. From a telephone you can learn that what you say here is heard over there. From a telegram you can learn that all words are counted and charged (from full text - not on gate > with the “MasterCard”. From a television you can learn: The all-knowing eye watches what you do, say or think within your inner chamber. From the computer you can learn: Direct communication and intention. What you command it to do it does, but it may not be what you intended it to be. From the Internet you can learn: That “here” is “there” and “there” is “here” always present and absent, visible and invisible. From Email you can learn: That in the communication there is no privacy, many can read your thoughts, all is known even though you do not know it. Fast is slow and slow is fast.)

These are the words written on the left Gate of Bono's House in Killiney, Dublin.